More than two dozen families have opened their homes to foster children

Theresa and Skip Trammel have provided a home for an infant that is about to be reunited with its mother. Reunification is the ultimate goal of the foster program.

For Liz and Will Brown foster parenting was just their calling.

“It was something we’ve talked about for a long time. Then, one day we read an ad in the paper, and we just felt like this was the right time,” Liz said.

They have three children of their own. With their two oldest off in the Air Force and their youngest daughter, a 16-year-old in high school, they found they had two spare bedrooms that could be put to better use.

“We talked about moving into a smaller place in town, and then we thought about foster parenting,” Liz said.

There are different ways to give back to a community, said Will, some people volunteer and that may mean working a switchboard or stocking shelves at a food pantry. For the Browns, they looked at their own children and their successes and felt their calling to give back as parents.

For the Trammels, foster parenting was second nature. Theresa Trammel grew up in a foster home, with her mother often taking in up to three children at a time in addition to her own three children.

“We had both talked about it before, but never really committed to it,” Skip Trammel said. But then, a radio show by James Dobson inspired them to believe that the time was right, and they decided to open the doors to their home.

“I can’t say anyone in my family was really surprised by the decision,” Theresa said.

The Browns and Trammels are just two of about two dozen families in Macon County that have opened their homes to foster children. And while the number of families in Macon County is growing, the need has outpaced that growth.

The state of North Carolina is focusing on transitioning children from group homes back to their home counties across the state.

“We have about 65 children in the system,” said Cindy Binkley, with Macon County Social Services. “But there are still children we are working toward bringing home and placing them here in the county.”

Social Services is in the recruitment process for new families with the hope of ensuring that children receive the safe, nurturing and stable placement they need.

Will and Liz Brown are just one of about two dozen foster families in the area that have committed to helping children in need in the county. They say they just want to give kids a place to be a kid and help parents have a chance to get back on their feet.

“It may seem like a lot, but with more children coming in, we still need more families. She said often times, too, foster parents choose to adopt children who are placed permanently in the system. “While that is wonderful when that happens, it is hard for us because we usually lose them as a foster family.”

The Browns are new to the program, just starting in April of this year, but have already worked with five children. The first two were a brother and sister they kept for only a few short weeks, the second was a 17-year-old boy who has since turned 18. Now, they have two younger girls that are in permanent care – they will remain in the foster system unless they are adopted.

With the first placement, it was a matter of reunification.

“That really is the end goal in most situations; it’s getting these kids back to their biological parents,” Will said. No matter how good of a foster parent you may feel that you are, nothing beats mommy and daddy.

“That can be a hard part of this. You hear the stories and you know the background. But you also know that the parents are working on their family plan. You have to give them the benefit of the doubt and hope it works out better this time,” he said.

They said they believe strongly that kids just need a place where they know they are loved.

“It’s tough sometimes because you hear the background stories on the biological parents. But you can’t hold a grudge, and you have to realize that people can change,” he said. “We all have made mistakes; we all screw up.”

He said that the biggest thing he has learned through this process is that kids are just kids. He watches his kids play at the playground and just has to shake his head at the rough hand some of them have been dealt.

Their second placement was more difficult, but some placements will be more difficult than others.

Kids respond very well to boundaries, Will said, and when kids first arrive at the Brown’s home, they review the house rules.

“What’s been really weird and really rewarding is what these kids have brought to our lives,” Will said. It isn’t just the Browns offering a safe haven for kids in need, but the growth experience the kids have bestowed upon the Browns.

“It’s that phone call back. After the first reunification there was that call. ‘We just wanted to let you know we were okay and thank you and we love you,’” Liz said. It was all she needed. “It really does take a village, you know.”

She said the one thing that surprised her was not any part of the process; it was the amazing need that exists even in this small town.

“If you get into it, you have to say, ‘We are going to raise more kids and it’s okay for them to be scared and it’s okay for them to be hurt and it’s okay for them to just be a kid,” she said.

Will said that is what he hopes his family can offer to foster children – simply a safe haven to come into and be able to just be a kid.

And sometimes, you know, parents just need a helping hand. They need a safe place where their children can go while they work things out,” Will said.

The Browns said they felt very prepared for taking in children after the training classes. And, they said, with DSS, you are never alone. There also other families that acts as a resource.

Foster parents can be on the reunification plan, they can have a child in permanent placement in the system, or they may just be offering respite care to other families in the system.

But all families start as a Level 1. Children are classified to with Class-5 therapeutic being the most difficult placement. To take on a child at that level, additional training is needed.

But Liz explained that DSS works hard to match each child with the right foster parents and parents have a lot of say so in age, sex and need of the children they bring into their homes.

The children also have a lot of say.

“They don’t want the children to feel like they are stuck somewhere; the children should have a lot of say,” Liz said.

Right now, they have two younger teenagers in their home. The overall experience has been wonderful and one they are glad they have taken on.

The Trammels agreed, though their experience has been a little different.

Their first placement was also an older teenager who did not stay long in the home. She has since turned 18 and is now on her own.

The second placement was an infant and they have had him for over a year.

“You learn different things with different ages. With the older one there was lots of running around. For this one, there were a lot of sleepless nights,” they said.

They have sleepless nights now, but for a different reason. After a year in the system, their foster son is ready to return home to his mother this month.

“But this is the goal. The goal is to get the children back to their parents,” said Skip. “I love him with all of my heart, but I really believe kids need to be with their moms.”

The Trammels said when their foster child reunites with his mom, they may take a few months to themselves before taking on another child.

“One of the things that surprised us is how long the placement was for,” Theresa said, recollecting her own time as a youth being raised with foster brothers and sisters. She and her husband have been in the system for two years, but are with only their second placement.

Letting him go will be hard. “It’s hard because we don’t know if the mother is ready. But, I think it would be harder if we knew the mother wasn’t ready.”

It is the end goal of the majority of foster care placement – reunification.

For the Trammels the shared parenting process that works with both the biological parents and the foster parents has also faced a language barrier. Their foster child’s mother does not speak English, so the shared parenting has been somewhat limited, so they have to trust that the system and the parenting plan the mother has worked through will allow their child to go home permanently.

Skip said he would have one piece of advice for parents who are looking to become involved with foster parenting: “Just remember what you are doing it for. Yes, your feelings are going to get hurt when they go back home, but that’s why you are in this.”

Theresa brings a unique knowledge having been raised with foster siblings. She said as a child, she just remembers that was the way things were. She couldn’t remember not liking any of her foster siblings.

“Mama said kids just need to be loved,” Theresa said. She said she holds true to that sentiment today.

“As long as you are willing and wanting to help the kids. It’s not their fault they are in the situation they are in,” Skip said.

The goal for children who must be in DSS custody is to provide this safety and stability from a trained, licensed foster provider. One of the main qualifications for foster parenting is a willingness to invest time and energy to making the children feel loved and worthwhile.

“In order to serve all of our children, we are not only looking for foster parents for the younger child, but also those willing to foster the older children, as this is the most difficult age group to find placement for,” said Brinkley.

All prospective foster and adoptive parents must complete 30 hours of MAPP (Model Approach to Partnership in Parenting) in order to become licensed. They must also have training in CPR, first aid and universal precautions.

In addition to this training, parents must complete 10 hours annually or 20 complete hours before relicensure. There are many ways for the families to complete these extra hours, and they must be approved by the licensing worker. The license duration is for two years, at which time, the family must be re-licensed.

Re-licensing is an important part of the overall process which guarantees that the children remain in a safe home, and that the foster parents are in compliance with the legal and ethical responsibilities. Potential foster parents must have a fire inspection, criminal background check, fingerprinting, and a physical on all members of the household.

DSS will hold the next MAPP class beginning Sept. 15, with the last class being Nov. 17. Those interested in taking this class, call Cindy Binkley at (828) 349-2482.